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This is the first thing Jesus said when he came out of the tomb on Easter before the Easter Bunny tried to step to him.  And this is how the story goes...

 See, while everyone thought Jesus was dead, the Bunny wanted to get down with his lady Mary.  You know, since them bitches be all emotional and shit when their man dies, you know how they be trippin.  And Mary was hella fine, all the disciples was tryin' to hit that.   But the Bunny was workin' it boy, he was all letting her cry into his lap and wiping her tears with his fur and shit.  Homeboy was halfway under her robe when Ol' Jeezy stepped up and was like "I'm BACK bitches!"

Bunny and Mary was about to get down and dirty in the bushes behind the tomb and Bunny didn't see Jesus right away cuz he was tryin' to get up in it.  Yo, but old girl caught one look at Jesus and was like "Oh shit, that's my MAN!"  And she tried to be all sly and shit, telling the Bunny "Look I gotta go pee, I'll be right back."  And the Bunny was like "Yeah, aight..."

"...or we can get into some gangsta shit"
So Mary sneaks around the corner to see if its really her man, and he's just standing out in the middle of the grass butt-neked... In tha NUDE!!!  And Mary was like "mmmmm dayum boy!"  So she walks up to him and starts talking to him "Yo Jesus, wussup Jesus!  Heeey how you doin?"

And Jesus is like "Whas happnin' baby?"  And Mary is getting all wet now seeing her man is still alive and his junk is just hangin out, homegirl is damn near bout to jump up and ride him like a donkey into Jerusalem.

But then out of nowhere, Bunny comes up and he's like "Ay YO bitch!  Bring yo black ass back here!  What the fuck's wrong wit you?"

And Jesus is like "Yo what's happnin' is that yo nigga now or somethin'?"

Mary's like "Yo check this shit out, that nigga he don't worry bout me, I'm talkin to you so what's up?"

Then Bunny starts trippin on Jesus like "Yo wussup Nigga?  What the Fuck's wrong wit you?"

But Jesus ain't havin' it, he's all "Yo Nigga, what's happnin' fool?  You know the name of the game, yo bitch chose ME.  Nigga we can handle this like some gentlemen or we can get into some gangsta shit."

Bunny wasn't backing down, he was like "Wussup Nigga?"

So Jesus was all "Have it yo muthafuckin' way..."  And Jesus put up his hands and shot out lightning bolts and fried that Bunny.  Straight up gangsta. Then he took Mary back into the tomb and his jimmy ran deep... so deep... so deep put her ass to SLEEP!

And that's how it happened.

I just thought I'd share that scripture with all of you in light of my own return, to start this blog back up.  The Bastard is BACK!!! I'm resurrected and I got shit load of blasphemy for that ass...  If you made it through, all the way to here without blocking this page or crying on your keyboard, YOU are one of the chosen.  You are a fellow Bastard... Follow me.  Preferably on this blog or on facebook.  Because I need some minions... It's good to be back.

Amen Bitches

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA! Marvelous.
    A bear was taking a shit in the woods, a rabbit was taking a shit next to the bear. Says brother bear to brother rabbit "Scuse me Bro- Does your shit stick to your fur?"
    Says brer bunny to his overly large Brother the Bear "Why no, I don't seem to have that problem" WHEREUPON THE BEAR SNATCHED UP THE RABBIT AND WIPED HIS ASS WITH HIM.